Fear, Anxiety, and Looking Inward

Many of us parents in the chronic illness community experience an intense fear and anxiety that we aren't doing a good enough job raising our children with our health circumstances. That our children will feel unloved, angry, or even sad that mommy/daddy can't play with them sometimes (and sometimes for long stretches of time). That our children will develope anxiety. Many parents I've talked to have said that their child/children becomes very emotional whenever they are in a flair-up. 

My daughter, for example, used to get full blown panic attacks any time I needed to lay down or go to a doctors appointment. I felt very guilty about that because her anxiety and fears are all well warranted. There have been many times in her short life when mommy has gone to the doctors and ended up being hospitalized for a week or so. Additionally, she knew that my needing to rest a lot tended to precede said doctors appointment. 

A while ago, I had posted in a support group about my struggles with this, asking for advice and/or support. Today, a friend of mine in the group responded with her own experience supporting and reassuring me that I wasn't alone. 

She wrote "My son is going on 10 and struggles with me being ill too. He often wants to play games with me but I just haven't been feeling well enough to. He'll start to cry and tell me that I don't love him and that he just wants to spend time with me. It makes me so sad." 

It is simply, yet profoundly heartbreaking. 

As I typed out my response, it just started to flow from me. And as it did, I was able to look inward. Resulting from her supportive comment, which was in response to my anxiety driven plea, came the answers I had been seeking the whole time. 

I posted this in response: 

There is hope. My sister (who is  2 yrs older than me) is autistic and also has cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and severe developmental delays. As a kid, I had an understanding of things far beyond my peers (still do sometimes) At home, we had sibling rivalry just like other siblings. She would spit at me, I would yell at her to stop, say she was so annoying, she'd spit again (she knew it was the one thing I hated most, lol) we'd go round and round. My family and I look back at those times fondly. Even though she was nonverbal, in a wheelchair, and developmentally around 18 months old (but much smarter) we were still sisters. We still bickered, and loved each other. We annoyed each other, and we stuck up for each other. I may have expressed anger and resentment towards her and my parents at times, but I never really was angry or resented having a sister like her. When I was around the ages of 8-9, I felt sad that I didn't get to have a "normal sister" and our family couldn't do "normal family" things like vacations, beach trips, getting share a closet with my big sister, having her help me get through middle school and all of its social  protocols. But as I grew older, (by age 13) I no longer envied those other families. I wouldn't change my sister for the world, and I am so proud that she is My Sister. I think a big part of how I felt ok with it and not left out was how my parents made it a priority to make time for me and what I wanted to do. I never felt neglected or overshadowed. Part of it is the age. I was like that, too. Later he'll remember these years and think of them differently. I do. 

Something I've started trying with my children is doing simple little gestures that let them know I love them and always want to be with them. I have instated an open door policy. I always invite them in when I'm ill and need to rest. They can go in and out, watch Netflix, cuddle with me, talk, or whatever works for us. If they get too rambunctious, they have to leave. Or, if I really need to actually sleep, I'll tell them they can hang out on the bed and watch TV, or play in the room but they have to let me sleep. So far, this policy has made a world of difference. They know I need to rest, but I still want to be with them. 

Another very important part of it: As soon as I'm up, I play whatever they were asking about when I had to say "not right now" and had to rest instead. Now they know that if I rest, I'll be able to play with them later. But if I don't rest I won't be much fun at all. 

Lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles. I sit with them and hold them at night as they fall asleep. That's their special time with me. You just have to find what works for you and your family. It doesn't matter what other people say (example: the theory that you shouldn't make it a habit to sit with them while they fall asleep. They'll never learn to put themselves to bed and they'll have attachment issues) It only matters what works for you and your family. Chronic illness creates a household that isn't "normal" and it shouldn't be held to "normal" standards. 

Then, I apologized for my comment being so dang long. And I'll apologize again for this post being so dang long ;)

Letter to my 16 Year Old Self

Dear Me,

Yeah, this is me...Er, you... In the future... I know what you're thinking - but this isn't a dumb prank your friends are pulling. You're quirky and aren't one to dismiss strange things, so I'm going to assume that about half way through this you're going to just take my word for it. I also know that you're crazy busy but please just listen and give me the benefit of the doubt. So, yeah, this is you in the future... I'll let that sink in a minute. Ok. Now that we're on the same page (or at least the same book), I'll begin. You are 16, and unlike most 16 year olds you don't take yourself to seriously. That's good. Hold onto that. The adults in your life really do respect you and what you have to say. You don't have to try so hard to impress them, or anyone for that matter. For some reason (believe me, you'll spend years trying to figure this out. You'll come up with some theories, but nothing earthshaking. No crazy revelations.), you feel that you must be the best. Quit chasing that coveted #1 spot. In everything. I know that working your ass off only to make it to the top 5 (in everything) is frustrating - and for once it would be amazing to actually be the best in something - but top 5 is actually really awesome.

After that speal I feel compelled to tell you that you don't even need to try for top 5. No matter what anyone says. You don't have to exhaust yourself trying to impress everyone because of some idealized notion society has placed on you. Everything is not a competition. That also goes for your love life. Let's face it, it's not even about the boy anymore. It's a competition. If you could just move on it would save a lot of heartache for several people. Teenage angst and melodrama aside, you really can stop competing with yourself. Stop pressuring yourself to be the "ideal" daughter/student/friend/etc. Let go of that incessant need to be "perfect". To have zero flaws. LET IT GO! It could help us tremendously in the future if you would just realize that you already are perfect. There is no need to keep chasing the mirage. That's all it is, a twisted little mirage. In two years someone will say these words to you: "you ARE perfect" and they will resonate with you more than any truth ever before. I know that 2 years seems really close, but it is actually light-years away. You're rolling your eyes right now and are thinking, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Everything is going great right now. I have awesome friends and everything is going according to my plan. I have a high GPA and am on track for a stellar transcript. I have scholarships lined up and it's all because of my hard work. That hard work that you're telling me to let up on. If I let up, I am never going to make it. I'll fail."

That takes me to my next message.
In a year your world is going to come crashing down around you. You will have no warning (other than this right now) and you'll panic. You'll panic like you've never panicked before. Yeah, I thought that would get you're attention. To be honest, I'm conflicted with whether or not to disclose certain details of this chapter. If you know before hand and somehow manage to side-step it, it would change everything about you... I know I would have liked some warning, so I'll tell you anyway. If for some reason, through some kind of divine intervention you do see it coming, just let it happen. If nothing else, let this be of some comfort and hopefully it will soften the blow of what is to come. In one year life is going to test you. Big time. You MUST survive. No, I'm not being dramatic. This is a real. It's life or death. Ok, don't panic. You're panicking, aren't you? Stop. Breath. 

It's nothing like what you are thinking, or could possibly think. You aren't going to be stalked by some crazy serial killer or anything. When your world is bleaker than anything you've ever been through, trust in your friends. They really are great friends. They will stand by you through everything. Don't cut them out. You won't want to talk to people, but try. They care more than you realize. Give your parents a break. They aren't trying to control you. They are scared. Terrified. Stick to your guns. Just because they are supposed to be "experts" doesn't mean they know what's best. Listen to your inner voice. Above all else, remember: This too shall pass When it does, wonderful things will happen because of it - but I can't say anymore about that ;) Be strong. Your life may not happen as you so carefully planned, but it will be perfect. *Thank you, Carrie at Just Mildly Medicated for this great blog idea. I loved it :)

Friday Fluff

Friday Fluff

I would live on coffee, dark chocolate, and red wine if I could.

Dogs shed only twice a year - the first half, and the second half.

 Always make more food than you intend to eat because no mater what it is, the little ones are going to wan some. If you already have it made, it just saves time/effort.

 Even with my allergies raging, I would rather be outside than stuck in the house - I mean, that's what inhalers are for, right?
              
There is a very fine line between the amount of coffee needed to function and the amount that will cause you to be up half the night. -and also- How much coffee does it take to equal the energy of a 3 year old? The world will never know.                      

 If you give a Kelly a cookie, she's going to ask for a glass of milk... When given the chance, my husband WILL embarrass me.

My Sister

I have a sister (2 yrs older than me) and anyone with a sister knows how is is both annoying and amazing. My relationship with my sister has always been just like any other sibling relationship. We fought growing up and had our fair share o sibling rivalry. My mom recently told me about one incident when we were quite young (young enough that I don't remember it). We were eating dinner, my sister and I were sitting on opposite sides of the table. My sister started to yank the table towards her, so I yanked it right back. This went on for a while, the two of us yanking the table back and forth. My mom was sitting there, laughing, and couldn't help but enjoy the sibling squabble that was so "normal" being displayed in front of her.

  Why would my mom be happy about a "normal" sibling squabble? Because everything else was so "abnormal". My sister has severe disabilities. She has been diagnosed with sever (like, farthest end of the spectrum you can get severe) autism, cerebral palsy, and epilepsy. As a child and teen she was very abusive (towards herself and others) and our mom was constantly covered in bruises. She actually broke our mom's cheek bone once. Many people told my parents to write her off, to put her in a special facility. They never did and never would. My parents' strength was and is superhuman. There wasn't a lot of resources then, so our mom would come up with ways to adapt things for my sister. Her innovation is incredible. My sister needed a bed that was safe, but she was too big for a crib - so my mom and dad made one out of pvc pipes to fit a twin bed. They covered the pvc in large pool noodles and then our mom hand sewed strong mesh around every side. My sister would rip the mesh almost every night and my mom would sit there and sew it back together the next day. She also came up with pj's that she couldn't get out of but buying denim vests and jeans and sewing them together with a zipper in the back to make soft denim coveralls.

Growing up, I loved my sister but man did she get on my nerves! Family outings were dictated by whether or not my sister would allow it. If she was having a bad day, we canceled. If we actually went out and then she abruptly needed to leave, we did. Growing up this was annoying and sometimes hurtful. I would be excited to be going somewhere only to have it canceled because my sister was acting up. I understood it and knew it was right to cancel but the "child" part me was angry. She still can get on my nerves. She has always loved music and needs something playing at all times. She also loves Raffi (not just any Raffi, one particular video on repeat) and prefers that be playing at all times as well. Now, in all fairness this is a major improvement. For years (I mean like 10 year strong!) she loved Barney. Yeah, I don't think I need to explain that one at all. You all are groaning right along with me. Seriously, you know it's bad when you catch your dad signing Barney songs in the shower and when you ask him about it he has no recollection of the event at all. Or when you hear it playing in the background of your dreams. Yeah that's fun, let me tell you! She is non-verbal, but very loud. The neighbors can hear her screaming with all of our doors and windows closed. I love her to death, but she can be such a pain in the butt!

I'm allowed to say that because I'm her sister. She will be 30 soon and still lives at home. She is still as loud as ever but much calmer. She seems happier, more relaxed. That makes me so happy. There are still rough days and her health is slowly getting worse with every passing year, but my family is committed to giving her the best life we possibly can.

My childhood may have been different, but I wouldn't want to have any other sibling in he world.

Everyday Blessings

On a good day I see my house hold in a positive, uplifting light: Children laughing, playing, growing, and loving. A family united, not divided. Caring and giving.

But the truth is that life engulfs us. The mundane chores of the everyday consume us and we soon forget how precious it all is. Even the tedious, tiring events become joyous when looked upon with fresh eyes. If it were all to end tomorrow I certainly would savor each of these moments. The things that usually leave me tired, haggard, and run down (or even bored) would be celebrated. I would realize that I take so much for granted because soon, it will all end. Then I shall long for those tiring, tedious, mundane events of yesterday. I must always remember this. Savor the moments. Be joyous in the everyday. In all of life's uncertainty, those everyday chores should be greeted with enthusiasm and counted as the blessings they are. 

My Mundane Everyday and The Joys That Accompany It

•  Waking up hearing Kelly asking if she can get up yet. Then jumping on me saying "mama, get up!"
•  Alex's big hugs and huge smile every morning when I go to get him out of bed
•  The beautiful pitter-patter of tiny feet
•  Sleepy toddler monologues
•  Alex being "sneaky" and smirking as he gets into mischief 
• How Kelly lights up when we have a "task" that needs to be accomplished and can not be done with out her her
• Their love of animals
• How they play with each other
• Kisses, hugs, and noses for Daddy. Only Daddy.
• Picking flowers in the yard
• Saying "good night" to the moon and stars
• The joy on their faces when Mike walks in the door after work
• Washing their sippy cups and tiny silverware
• Folding their adorable little cloths
• Putting the blankets on them after they've fallen asleep
• Laying with Kelly, reading while she holds my hand
• Cuddling with Alex late at night , just the two of us
• How much Alex enjoys bath time
• How Kelly wants to be just like Mama
• Kelly's little whiny plea of "Mama, hold me"
• Alex's ability to just roll with Kelly's drama, and always finding the humor in her tantrum
• Reading "Guess How Much I Love You" and "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"

* Note: This was originally written in May 2012, so a lot of these things have changed... And I do miss them so very much. H

Mora Moments

I have often described my parents' home as an... unusual place. My long-time favorite would be 'The Asylum',which I coined somewhere around age thirteen. Yeah, I know, it's not nice to call your mom's house an asylum - but seriously, it's not a negative thing. It's an ode to the vast chaos that goes on and how everyone in the family has grown accustomed to it. It's endearing. Why do I call it 'The Asylum'? Well, let me give you some background information. 

My parents' house is always very busy and loud. Very loud. It's "Fellowship of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" meets "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". My sister (2 years older than me) has severe autism, cerebral palsy, and epilepsy. She is much calmer now, but as a kid she was very aggressive. More often than not, she is hollering about something. My mother's family is Greek and is all up in each other's business. At any moment they may show up and abduct you! I actually really like that, though. My dad is quite a bit like Shep from Ya-Ya, only not so much the innocent bystander. 

Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Sidda talking to her father, Shep: "and the inmate takes over the asylum." - Sidda. "No, it's more like Stockholm syndrome." - Shep 

Exactly!

Add in some animals and you pretty much have the whole picture.

The animals in our family have always had more of a supporting role in the chaos, that is, until Samora. 

My cousin called my dad up one day and told him about this littler of puppies a neighbor had. My cousin became increasingly aware that these puppies were not going to have a good future. The owners didn't want them and just wanted to get rid of them.The mother was a chow, and my dad loves chows. No one knew who the father was, but the puppies looked like pure chow. So my dad drove up and took a look. This adorable little 8wk old puff ball, bouncing around,ended up coming home with him. That first car ride should have been the tip-off. Samora rode on the passanger's seat, inside a small cardboard box. Apparently, she was able to wrestle her way out of the box and go all Cujo on my dad. This little 8 wk old puppy tore him up like a wolverine. I had never been scared of a dog before, especially not a little puppy. But this thing was crazy! We all started calling her Taz since she embodied the little devil so well. Anything was fair game. If I wanted to go to sleep, I would barricade myself with anything and everything in my room. It wasn't much help though, because she would just climb the whole thing. If I was working on homework, well, forget it. Those jaws were shredders. If I wanted to go on my trampoline I had to throw a stick a far as I could, wait for her to chase it, and make a mad dash for it - hoping I made it in time. It was clear that this was not a "normal" dog, she was something more. Something wild. My dad and I did as much research as we could on raising dog mixes, in case that was, in fact, what we were dealing with. In time she became a wonderful addition to our family. She is 12 years old now and is just as "different" - think of her as an extreme version of Marmaduke. She our little Miss Priss and I love her dearly.

It seems like everyday that dog is doing something that makes us go "what is the dog doing?" Or better yet, something that makes us go "Good grief Mora, it's really ok." So I've decided to capture these little Mora Moments. Enjoy! 

Creativity in Children

Creativity is something I have always held in high regard. I find it to be one of the most important characteristics in a person.

Apparently, so do America's highest ranking CEOs. A recent IBM study showed that CEOs chose creativity as the most important trait for leaders of the future. Ok, so what's the big deal? Children seem pretty darn creative, right? Maybe not. The best ways to measure creativity in both children and adults is known as the Torrence Test of Creative Thinking. TTCT scores have risen every year since its creation, that is until 1990. Every year since 1990 scores have steadily declined.

Torrence Test of Creative Thinking, or TTCT has been the definitive tool in measuring creativity in the USA for the past 45 years. This test is broken up into two parts - figurative and verbal.

The figurative portion uses three picture based exercises. These three exercises examine fluency, elaboration, originality, resistance to premature closer, abstraction of titles, emotional expressiveness, storytelling articulation, movement, extending and breaking of boundaries, fantasy, imagery, and humor. This portion takes about 30 minutes to complete and is available in age related, grade related contents (tests for kindergarten- adult). National and regional scoring norms and percentages are supplied I within the creativity portion. The verbal portion is available for 1st grade-adult and uses verbal based exercises which, in addition to what the figurative portion measures, focus on: opportunities to ask question, improve products, and think hypothetically. You can obtain testing booklets for $6.90/student and scoring booklets for $8.50/student. There are also scoring workshops available by STS 

Ok, so what do we do about this???

First we have to examine what could possibly be causing these declining scores.

It's no secret that America has become preoccupied with standardized tests. The outcome of this preoccupation is also no surprise. Teachers are hounded about scores and are forced to spend the majority of class time teaching test-taking skills and material only relevant to that particular test. There is no room for exploration, discovery, imagination, or even just some educational fun. Classes in the arts have been cut drastically To make way for this academic structured school environment. Even more alarming than anything else is the fact that children as young as preK and Kindergarden feel pressure to do well on tests. I know I always did. I was always a creative kid, but as I grew up I had a harder time letting that creativity out in it's freest, truest form. I became hyper-aware of what was expected and what I should be creating rather than what I thought and felt should be created. I certainly DO NOT want my children to feel this ridiculous pressure. But, alas, tests are not the only thing standing in creativity's way. Over scheduling and over achieving are equally detrimental. There is an extreme pressure, as a parent, to keep our children busy with activities in order to produce well-rounded adults. Unfortunately, this is probably the exact opposite way to go about that.

So, what can we as parents do?

~ Look for programs that provide a mix of play and academics.

There are MANY different charter schools now available with a wide range of focuses. If you have the opportunity, please check these out! 

 * Side note- My daughter is three and will be entering preK fairly soon. We just moved back to my home town, where charter schools with voucher programs are widely available. I have had no experience with these before and wasn't fully even aware of them. My mom told me about a school that just recently became a charter school. It's right around the corner from performing is a performing arts school. My daughter absolutely loves the arts and I think this could be a great thing! 

  ~ Promote imaginative play with prompts -sand and water tables, dress up, building blocks of any kind, paint and other art supplies, etc). Great sites for this include

~ Encourage brain storming to solve problems. 

~ Ask open-ended questions "We don't have a princess tiara. What could we use instead?", etc) 

~ Turn off the TV, computer, video game, and what ever else entertained your child and encourage play with out these stimuli. 

When a child watches TV or plays a video game they are being entertained by someone else's imagination. TV and video games are not bad, they just shouldn't be your child's go-to entertainment. It may take a bit, but after the initial "I'm bored" statements and goans, their imagination will guide them.

~ Provide low-tech toys: art supplies, non-motorized cars (hello hot wheels!), dominoes, bouncy balls, blocks, figurines... The list goes on and on! 

~ Go outside!!! The outdoors are the biggest toy box in the world! 

Think about it- rocks, sticks, trees, dirt, bugs, creatures... I know I used to have "treasures" from my exploring adventures consisting of sticks, rocks, and leaves that I felt were special. Just go EXPLORE!!! 

~ Allow kids to indulge in any particular subject they find fascinating.

Right now my (almost 2 year old) son is fascinated with dinosaurs. Now honestly, I never thought much of dinosaurs. They just never interested me, but I'm finding myself eager to learn more and more about them because of his love for them. We currently have a small dinosaur book, several figurines, play stuff like little trees and rocks, and he loves that show Dinosaur Train on PBS (got to love PBS). If he continues to like this subject as he grows older I plan to take him to museums, encourage him to write stories involving his dinosaurs, design play areas for his figurines, etc. If later on he still likes them, then it's on to scientifically accurate books, documentaries, more museums, and anything else he can come up with. Right now Parents.com is running a Thrive in 2025 campaign targeted at this very  topic. There is a parent pledge - Vowing to nurture your child's creative thinking. I have already signed this and plan to share their Thrive in 2025 campaign on Facebook as well. 

Psychology Today has some great articles about creativity and children. Check them out! (click images for links)

Obsessing over what You're teaching you're children? Me Too!

I'm always obsessing over what I'm teaching my kids

What I should be teaching them, and what I should NOT be teaching them. My husband says that I over complicate things. I stress about this constantly. He is of the "they're kids. Let them be kid's and they'll learn along the way" school of thought.. Which is great. I totally agree, but what about their emotional growth and adjustment? Are we damaging them? Should we be going about things completely differently? Are we totally messing them up?... Ok, yeah, that's what goes through my brain, in a nutshell. Scary, right? Anyway... I'm trying to relax and  let things go, but at the same time I want to ensure that I'm helping them grow into compassionate, inquisitive little beings, guiding them with love, and instilling positive habits. All with a huge dose of enrichment. Now for the threads of this tapestry:

• My son (18 months) is very laid-back and perfectly happy just hanging out. He likes to explore on his own and would rather do so than be led through something. He is just like my husband and fits well with his parenting style.
• My daughter (3 yrs. old), is much more like me. She craves activity and routine. She gets very irritable when cooped up, or stuck in an "entertain yourself" type of atmosphere for too long. She loves interaction and sensory play. As I am almost positive that we are failing at some stuff, there are a few things that I am proud of. I hope that my family will continue to incorporate new, enriching activities as time goes on. Admittedly, there are also some things I am NOT proud of and want to NIX right away.

Things I am Proud of:

• Kelly and I started keeping art journals about 6 months ago. We call them our "special books". Usually at night, before bed, we get them out and work on them a bit. Our special books are just for us and we can write/draw anything we want in them. I have pages dedicated to certain people/themes, and she has adopted this idea into her book too. She will tell me, "I'm working on daddy's page". Though she is only 3 and cant write yet, I know that soon she will and i hope to still be doing this. I plan to keep the journals as they fill up over the years and give them to her when she turns 18 (or something like that). On my sons next birthday, I am going to give him his very own Special Book to fill up. 

• Both my children already love the outdoors. I don't really think I need to go into detail about why this is a good thing, but I definitely want my children to love and respect nature. 

• My husband started a great tradition with my daughter about a year and a half ago. Each night (most nights, as long as weather permits) they go outside to say goodnight to the moon and stars. I absolutely love this. 

  Things I want to try:

• Before a holiday, I want to have my children (and us parents) go through all their toys and clear out all the stuff they have outgrown. The catch: They have to donate the old stuff so that they will have room for new stuff.
• Family Sleepovers!!! I think this is an awesome idea. Pick a night each week/month (whatever you want) and set that night aside for a family sleepover. Have everyone sleep in the living room with their sleeping bags, etc. Watch a movie together, pop popcorn, tell stories! Right now my family kind of already does this. Every night. Since my husband just got out of the military we are kind of in limbo. We have moved back to Florida and are staying with my parents while we look for a pace and get settled. This means that we are sleeping in my old bedroom. That's right. Two adults, two toddlers, two dogs, and two snakes. One bedroom. Cozy. That being said, I am beyond grateful for my parents, and everything they are putting up with - Because, you know, all of the two adults, two toddlers, two snakes, and two dogs are running rampant through their house. Which, by itself, has three adults (one with special needs), and two dogs.

• Night time "thank you for...." - Every night, before bed, have everyone say a thank you prayer. 

• Write a letter to my child each year on their birthday. In a way, I already do this with my Special Book. Every few months (as soon as they have outgrown the previous page) I make a page dedicated to that child. I write on it their favorite things of that moment and date them. I include favorite colors, songs, activities, foods... Anything and Everything.

Things I want to NIX!

• Parenting from two different books - I absolutely HATE this! Not only does it cause arguments, but it also confuses the kids
• Communication interference - In powder for my husband and I to be parenting from the same book, we need to communicate better. 'Nuff said.  As my husband and I continue this journey, we have been able to identify our main goals. Hopefully, we can solidify them and make peace with the inevitable conclusion that we will scar our children in some way. I can only hope that it will be something very miniscule.

Savoring Childhood

Childhood happens fast, and the toddler years to fly by even faster. One day I was blog hopping and stumbled upon this list over at Hands Free Mama. Apparently, a teacher named Erin Kurt asked her students what they liked/wanted their parents to do with them the most. After sixteen years of answers, she compiled this Top 10 list.

Top 10 Things Kids Wish Their Parents Would Do With Them

1.) Come into their bedroom at night, tuck them in, and sing them a song or tell them a story.

 2.) Give them hugs and kisses, sit with them and just talk to them. 

 3.) Spend quality time with just them. No siblings or distractions. 

 4.)Give them nutritious food so they grow up strong. 

 5.) At dinner, talk about what we could do together on the weekend.

 6.) At night, talk to me about anything. 7.) Let me play outside a lot. 

 8.) Cuddle under a blanket and watch our favorite show/movie together.

 9.) Disciple me. It makes me feel like you care. 

 10.) Leave special messages in my desk, lunch, wherever for me to find. 

  I implore all of you to take a moment and to read How to Miss a Childhood over at Hands Free Mama. A woman who has raised children since 1977 wrote an email to her detailing the tragedy of this uber-connected, modern world. Every parent needs to read this!

  "I can recall a time when you were out with your children and you were rally with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog, even if it was pre-verbal. 'look at that bus, see the doggie?, etc' Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swing while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them, but you are not present really. When I see you pick your kids up from daycare while on your phone, it breaks my heart.... What is the message they are receiving? I am not important."  

 As someone with toddlers, it's easy to get wrapped up on the day-to-day whirl. It's even easier to forget that these little tornadoes won't stay that way for long. Sometimes that's an awesome thing - read, tornadoes. Especially when you gave one screaming, one down right hysterical, dogs barking, and something sticky flying through the air. Other times, it sucks. With all of the tantrums, boogers, tears, are bed time stories, butterfly kisses, and so many more things. A while back, there were so many things that my little ones were no longer doing that I stopped and made a list of the mundane everyday things that we take for granted. MANY of these things have changed and with each one that passes, I am that much more grateful that I made that list. Here is a collection of things to do before those toddler years slip away

• Play Play Play!!! Dress up, peek-a-boo, hide and seek, dolls, cars, blocks... The list is endless. Take advantage, because anyone with older kids can tell you that soon they won't want to hang out with mom and dad.
• Explore! Go outside and see what you can discover. Walk in the rain, feed the ducks, pick fall leaves and treasure (we all remember those treasures of rocks and sticks), play in the snow - or sand if your where we are.
• Go visit petting zoos (please remember to make sure they are more concerned with animal welfare rather than road side attraction). Better yet, take them to rescue/rehabilitation centers! Check out children's museums, library story times, community events, and gardens.
• Sensory Play! Toddlers LOVE sensory play, and it's fantastic for them! Play with play dough, dried beans, rice, beads, and anything messy! Build sand castles, make water stations with buckets and cups, and just about any arts and crafts activity.
• Songs and Stories! Toddlers love to sing and dance. Take advantage of this and sing everything. Have random dance parties. Read books and tell stories.
• Daily To-Do's! My daughter loves to help with everything. She is particularly fond of dusting, sweeping, and helping in the kitchen.
• Be curious! Ask them questions about what they are doing, what they want to do, what they think about things. This is a great way to bond. Not only are you engaging with them, but you are also actively showing them that you approve of what they are doing.
• ALWAYS tickle, hug, and snuggle.

Truth is, you know your little one better than anyone. You know what they like and what they don't. Just go with it. Follow their lead.