Saplings of Hope: body confidence

Showing posts with label body confidence. Show all posts

8/11/13

Letter to my 16 Year Old Self

Dear Me,

Yeah, this is me...Er, you... In the future... I know what you're thinking - but this isn't a dumb prank your friends are pulling. You're quirky and aren't one to dismiss strange things, so I'm going to assume that about half way through this you're going to just take my word for it. I also know that you're crazy busy but please just listen and give me the benefit of the doubt. So, yeah, this is you in the future... I'll let that sink in a minute. Ok. Now that we're on the same page (or at least the same book), I'll begin. You are 16, and unlike most 16 year olds you don't take yourself to seriously. That's good. Hold onto that. The adults in your life really do respect you and what you have to say. You don't have to try so hard to impress them, or anyone for that matter. For some reason (believe me, you'll spend years trying to figure this out. You'll come up with some theories, but nothing earthshaking. No crazy revelations.), you feel that you must be the best. Quit chasing that coveted #1 spot. In everything. I know that working your ass off only to make it to the top 5 (in everything) is frustrating - and for once it would be amazing to actually be the best in something - but top 5 is actually really awesome.

After that speal I feel compelled to tell you that you don't even need to try for top 5. No matter what anyone says. You don't have to exhaust yourself trying to impress everyone because of some idealized notion society has placed on you. Everything is not a competition. That also goes for your love life. Let's face it, it's not even about the boy anymore. It's a competition. If you could just move on it would save a lot of heartache for several people. Teenage angst and melodrama aside, you really can stop competing with yourself. Stop pressuring yourself to be the "ideal" daughter/student/friend/etc. Let go of that incessant need to be "perfect". To have zero flaws. LET IT GO! It could help us tremendously in the future if you would just realize that you already are perfect. There is no need to keep chasing the mirage. That's all it is, a twisted little mirage. In two years someone will say these words to you: "you ARE perfect" and they will resonate with you more than any truth ever before. I know that 2 years seems really close, but it is actually light-years away. You're rolling your eyes right now and are thinking, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Everything is going great right now. I have awesome friends and everything is going according to my plan. I have a high GPA and am on track for a stellar transcript. I have scholarships lined up and it's all because of my hard work. That hard work that you're telling me to let up on. If I let up, I am never going to make it. I'll fail."

That takes me to my next message.
In a year your world is going to come crashing down around you. You will have no warning (other than this right now) and you'll panic. You'll panic like you've never panicked before. Yeah, I thought that would get you're attention. To be honest, I'm conflicted with whether or not to disclose certain details of this chapter. If you know before hand and somehow manage to side-step it, it would change everything about you... I know I would have liked some warning, so I'll tell you anyway. If for some reason, through some kind of divine intervention you do see it coming, just let it happen. If nothing else, let this be of some comfort and hopefully it will soften the blow of what is to come. In one year life is going to test you. Big time. You MUST survive. No, I'm not being dramatic. This is a real. It's life or death. Ok, don't panic. You're panicking, aren't you? Stop. Breath.

It's nothing like what you are thinking, or could possibly think. You aren't going to be stalked by some crazy serial killer or anything. When your world is bleaker than anything you've ever been through, trust in your friends. They really are great friends. They will stand by you through everything. Don't cut them out. You won't want to talk to people, but try. They care more than you realize. Give your parents a break. They aren't trying to control you. They are scared. Terrified. Stick to your guns. Just because they are supposed to be "experts" doesn't mean they know what's best. Listen to your inner voice. Above all else, remember: This too shall pass When it does, wonderful things will happen because of it - but I can't say anymore about that ;) Be strong. Your life may not happen as you so carefully planned, but it will be perfect. *Thank you, Carrie at Just Mildly Medicated for this great blog idea. I loved it :)

7/29/13

Body Confidence

Body Confidence - That's kind of an oxymoron to me... Mix in a young child and the prospect of instilling this illusive psyche and well, that thought alone is more than a little daunting. In the back of my mind, I am always worrying that my children will inherit the body image issues of their parents (more on that later). In truth, I believe that there is a significant genetic link, but that in itself is an entire post. So here are some helpful tips and hints I have found from various sources that are helping me: Compliment all of their good qualities, not just their looks. Applaud their abilities and accomplishments. Expose them to sports, art, charities, etc. Teach about puberty before it happens This is daunting for me. Not a full-on birds-and-bees conversation but an age-appropriate informative discussion.

Project confidence when explaining everything. I you are uncomfortable, tell them that!

Be open and honest. Placing a taboo on this subject matter will shut down communication lines and could instill the assumption that what their body is going through is something embarrassing and gross.

Luckily, my kids are not here yet. A great resource for them to have is "The Girl's Body Book - Everything you need to know for growing up you" this is a great book with very helpful information.

There is also an equally valuable Boys Body Book. They both cover hygiene, parents, friends, dating, bffs, body image, body changes, school/grades, nutrition, fitness, siblings, sex, relationships, peer pressure, and more. Everything is laid out in a frank manner.

Explain the difference between fantasy and reality. Some people go so far as to say that you shouldn't allow princess stories or video games because they establish a false sense of reality. This seems a bit far fetched to me. As long as they understand that these things are pretend (fantasy), then why should their play be restricted? The imagination is a powerful tool that is shaped during childhood.

Recent tests have shown that having a well developed imagination is directly linked to success later in life. By making fantasy off-limits you are stripping away their intellect.

Point out positive role models. Instead of waiting for your child to notice someone of importance (usually due to media publicity), point them out yourself. Some good examples: a community volunteer who goes above and beyond, a devoted parent or teacher, a service member... You get the idea.

Don't dismiss sexism - Ive always been against imposing gender stereotypes. Boys can wear pink (its just color, like any other color), girls can play with trucks (they're fun!), etc. When you see sexism, address it with your child. If someone implies that dads work and moms stay home (boys don't do ballet, or whatever), don't reinforce the ideology by ignoring it.

Focus on being healthy, NOT slim!!! Some fantastic resources that I encourage everyone to check out:

Operation Beautiful

The mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for other people to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. You are enough... just the way you are!

Their goal: to end negative self-talk

How it started: A woman decided to leave a positive message for others on the mirrors in public restrooms.

Join the mission! All you need is piece of paper and a pen. Snap a pic of your note and email it Operation Beautiful with a bit about your experience. Here's a couple of pics sent in to Operation Beautiful:

Fit vs Fiction Marci Warhaft-Nadler's “Fit vs. Fiction” program, Marci visits schools and discusses all the misinformation and negative, inaccurate messages that we are bombarded with on a daily basis.

She also has a Fit vs Fiction blog

The current childhood obesity epidemic has led to a closer examination of our country's health/fitness habits. Many people have become so consumed with the obesity part of childhood obesity that they fail to see the other side of this epidemic: Eating Disorders. Eating Disorders that are responsible for both weight gain and weight loss. Marci lays out a great list of statistics, including many that I have been telling people about for quite some time. Sadly, many just don't seem to get it. Maybe her list will hit harder (here's hoping)

Her blog is wonderful! Every time I am sent an email notification of a new post I am always eager to read it.

Several studies have revealed some very SCARY facts:

Girls as young as 6 and 7 are already worried about getting fat. 25% of them have already dieted.

81% of 10-year-old have already been on a diet.

Average-weight girls and overweight girls are just as likely to be on diets.

By the age of 13, 50% to 70% of girls believe they are overweight.

Young girls look to peers and parents as role models. They often first hear about diets at home.

Some girls are afraid of playing sports, for fear of “bulking up”

Most young women feel significantly worse about themselves after reading a fashion magazine.

NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association)

NEDA's Mission NEDA supports individuals and families affected by eating disorders, and serves as a catalyst for prevention, cures and access to quality care. NEDA envisions a world without eating disorders. On their website you will find many helpful links and a wealth of information. There are also events, fundraisers, volunteer and intern opportunities, outreach programs, testimonials, research findings,recovery resources, family and friends sections, and so much more.

***NEDAwareness Week*** - the largest education and outreach effort on eating disorders in the United States, taking place February 24-March 2, 2013. The theme is "Everybody Knows Somebody" Find out more info here. If that is even just a little bit helpful, then I am so happy. If not, I'm sorry for rambling on - I do that a lot.